On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
