shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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