You really coming over, don't trick.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
