wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
