i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
