You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
foreskin is a definite game changer
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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