These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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