Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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