Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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