Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
