Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
