I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
