i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
