i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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