I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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