I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
