it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
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Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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