i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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