So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
