It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just forgot I was standing up.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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