eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
