You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
