just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
