Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
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The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize