first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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