That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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