I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
