I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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