Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
that's an acceptable place to lick
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
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We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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