You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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