this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
