so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
