please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
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I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.