What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.