i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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