Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.