We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
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That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.