my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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