I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize