my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
