Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
