she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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