i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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