So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i out mim tonsoeep
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