I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
