DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
