you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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