I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
