So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
