I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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