Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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