I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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