yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
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I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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