apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
