Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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