I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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