Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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